Playboy's Secret Agenda

Playboy is a magazine with a split personality. One part is for 30-year-olds with receding hairlines and has the goal of providing a reasonably intelligent person with good reading material. And pictures of beautiful naked women. The other part has the goal of turning 12-year-old boys [perverted pyromaniac psychotics that they are] into men with some hint of judgement, class, or taste.

Sound unlikely? Let's look at the articles. Don't be afraid, they won't bite.

Most issues of Playboy contain at least one of the following articles:
How to dress up in something other than HomieWear®, preferably without looking like your mom dressed you
What actual girls think about
Why actual girls have sex with guys
Drinks that aren't Southern Comfort and Mountain Dew

Not convinced? What's between the centerfold and the dirty jokes? The Playmate Data Sheet. An ENTIRE PAGE full of information that, hypothetically, you could use to start a conversation with that eight-foot-tall, eleven-pound girl on the opposite page. ("Gee, you hate old fat guys in speedos too? What a coincidence!")

Me, I read it for the cool stuff. Kurt Vonnegut talking about why he abandoned the novel he's been working on for the last 10 years. Ray Bradbury's latest story. Joe Eszterhas explaining how he can live with himself after writing "Showgirls."

Oh, and the beautiful naked women.

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