I am not a goth: 10 proofs

1. My first concert was the Mission in 1986. I was 16, didn't know the music, didn't know a damn thing about the band. I was wearing pale blue jeans, white tennis sneakers, and a yellow T-shirt. With a palm tree on it. And a sunset. Note that Andrew Eldritch now endorses this look. After a few minutes of "I'm surrounded by huge scary pale guys with huge scary black hair wearing huge scary black leather" I adapted nicely, thank you.

2. Age 20, I saw Peter Murphy in concert (great show.) I missed the opening band. Seven years later, I still don't care that I missed Nine Inch Nails before they were big.

3. I never tried to commit suicide. Never wore makeup. Never wrote poetry.

4. They don't like Shriekback, so the hell with them.

5. Just plain insensitive to the aching emptiness of it all.

6. If I have to listen to pale weedy freaks with black hair, I'll take the Ramones thank you. Maybe the Stranglers for being the origial MIB's.

7. Bauhaus had about three good songs. Period.

8. "Oh baby look at you, don't you look like Siouxie Sue."

9. Cassidy's right: they're a bunch of bloody wankers. [Preacher reference. ]

10. They wouldn't have me. I'm an old sweaty overweight stump with a receding hairline. . . so mortal, don't you know.

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