Is there a doctor in the house?

I work with people who have their doctorates, and they are smart people and hard workers. But lately it seems like every jerk, fool, and loser out there has a Ph.D after their name. Specifically, I'm thinking of John Gray and Dr. Laura.

Dr. Laura

Now, Dr. Laura has, at the least, a decent claim to the degree. She did earn a doctorate from Columbia University, an actual, reputable school. However, it was in physiology. Meaning that she's no more an expert on psychology and therapy than I am. Oh, that's not QUITE true- I know the difference between gays and child molesters. She apparently does not.

Every time someone refers to her as "Dr" Laura, it reinforces this grand illusion that she knows more than you do. And when it comes to the physiology of, say, ankle joints, she certainly does.

So, when she's on the radio saying homosexuality is a disease, that's an opinion not based on any particular scientific authority. As a matter of fact, the AMA, the American Psychiatric Association, and the DSM-IV (the standard for defining mental illness) all disagree with her on this. Her conclusion is that they are all wrong. Trust her on this one- she's a doctor.

John Gray,Ph.D

Our next shaved ape is John Gray, PhD. This guy, writer of the "Mars and Venus" books, is a complete buffoon. One of his main credentials is that he was completely chaste for nine years. Well, hell, it's been at least nine years since I did open-heart surgery, lemme tell you ALL ABOUT IT. And, it seems, his doctorate is from a diploma mill. Actually, I have a friend who was given a a Ph.D from that same university. They cost about $200 plus shipping, apparently.

His undergraduate degrees are from Maharishi European Research Institute. These are the Trancendental Meditation guys. As made famous by the Beatles. These people had a TM olympics which featured flying races. There were three divisions of this race, corresponding to the three types of levitation that they recognize:

They only had entrants in the third division of the race. In other words, they had an entire 100-yard dash of guys hopping down the track in full lotus position. John Gray has demonstrated that he is capable of the third type of flying [sic] on Oprah.

So that's where he got his academic credentials. But doesn't "John Gray, Ph.D" roll off the tongue nicely?

I swear, it's enough to make you sick.

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