Retard Debating Techniques

WARNING: This is nasty. Go back?

I used to accuse people of arguing like retards. Then a friend of mine started working with the developmentally handicapped, or the differently abled. . . in short, "tards." Here are some true examples of Tard Debating Techniques:

1. THROWING THINGS: "No, you can't have jello for dessert. We don't have jello today."
[throws overstuffed armchair] "Aaaah!"
Other popular variations on this debating tactic include TV's and fire extinguishers.

2. BITING/KICKING:My friend is 6'3" and upward of 260 lbs, so this doesn't usually work, but they don't stop trying. Recently, one girl was engaging in self-injurious behavior (whacking herself with a five pound music box.) In the process of taking this away, my friend got slammed with both feet in the crotch. He crumpled to the floor, curled around the toy. For the next few minutes, she screamed "Am I bad? Bitch!" and punched herself. For the next few minutes, he let her.

3a. URINATION ON THE FLOOR: One of the tards used to demonstrate displeasure by pissing on the floor of his room. The house is log-cabin construction, so there is no plaster ceiling and it dripped down directly into the kitchen. As an extra bonus, it eventually corroded out a smoke detector, which has since been replaced with a waterproof variety.

3b. INDESCRIBABLE: One of the tards has a couple charming tendencies. She likes incontinence, and doesn't like wearing clothes. Lest the 12-year-olds start getting ideas, it should be mentioned that tards have poor personal hygeine. They smell, their teeth rot, and their hair is lank and greasy. Anyhow. So this girl walked out of the bathroom without her pants on.
"Go get dressed."
"Go put your pants on."
"Uh-uuh! Wet!"
"Go back in there and get your pants."
At this point my friend notices that she has something wet in her hand. Which turns out to be a pair of underwear. She puts the dripping underwear in her mouth and shakes it, going "Uuuhhh!"
Well, that showed him.

MORAL: Don't get in an argument with a retard unless it's your job.
PC disclaimer: Not all retards are like this. The nice, well-behaved ones don't need 24/7 supervision.

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